It sometimes feels like all I do every day is run around trying my best to keep everyone happy while trying to not fall apart. Some days just feel like an endless blur of movement. Rush, rush, rush to get everything done.
Make breakfast, get husband up and ready to go, do some work, tidy the house, do the washing, do school work with the kids, make lunch, do some more work, play with the kids, shout at the dogs for constantly barking, pack away the washing, make dinner, bath the kids, feed the dogs, put the kids in bed, take a shower and finally sit down and have some tea before bed.
And then it happens. The moment I get to sit and drink my tea. Then I start thinking of my day and that is when the guilt creeps in and I start regretting ALL the choices I made during the day.
The thing I normally regret the most is how little time I spent with my kids or how I handled certain situations with them during the day. I feel so stressed half the time and that stress turns into me snapping at my boys over the silliest things and that really annoys me. It is so wrong, I need to do less and concentrate on the kids more.
Why can’t I just learn to let things go? SO what if the house is a mess when hubby gets home. So what if the washing hasn’t been packed away. Why do I feel the need to be the super mom? The perfect wife? Is it because there are mothers out there doing amazing things while having a full time job and 3 kids and I feel that I am not rising to the occasion? Is it because I am a bit of a perfectionist and would like things to be a certain way even if it ends up killing me in the end because I am so stressed out? Is it really worth it?
Why do I feel this need to be perfect? My husband certainly doesn’t expect me to be, but I do. I feel like I am failing because I am trying to be too many things at once. I don’t get to spend quality time on all the different aspects of my life. Wife, mother, home-maker, blogger and because of this I feel like a failure in all aspects.
I need a better daily routine for myself, I need to time manage better. Maybe a routine where each day will have a different main task but every day will involve at least 3 hours of quality time with my kids. That is the most important for me at this point because I feel I am failing most at being their mother. I want to have a shorter “To do list” for each day and I am only allowed to do those things on that day to make sure I don’t get overloaded with things to do each day.
I want them to have happy memories of their childhood, not of Mom running around like a headless chicken moaning at them all the time. I don’t want to sit each night regretting the day gone by, life is too short for that.
It might be the 1e of May tomorrow. But this will be my “new years resolution”
Less stress, more fun. Doing only the things that are on today’s list of To do’s
When we took the kids out of school last year I already promised myself less drama this year, and I have to say not being a class rep anymore, and having to deal with school politics has already taken away a lot of the drama/stress in my life. Here is to a happier life, life’s too short to regret everyday choices all the time. I want my kids to have the fun me that the kids I Au-Paired for in Europe had. Sure I was much younger then, but that fun me is still there, she just needs to put all the adult worries aside now and again and bring the fun “Marry Poppins” as my Austria kids called me, back again.
I CAN DO THIS…..