The world would be a much better place if we could all just be a little kinder to each other. It is really THAT simple. We don’t have to go out and give away all our food, clothes and money to the people who are starving or build houses for the homeless. Don’t get me wrong all of this is good, we should be helping in whichever way we can, but what I am trying to say is, if you are unable to help someone financially or otherwise, you could simply help them with an act of kindness. Even just a “Hey, how are you doing today?” Just take other people’s feelings into consideration for a change.
Would it really kill you to smile at someone walking past you on the street or in a mall? They won’t want to become your new best friend. You don’t know what they have been through, and you might just brighten their day and give them hope by simply showing some emotion as you walk past, acknowledging their existence. For some that could be just what they need, because at home they might be ignored or abused and your smile might just help them get through the day. I take our one neighbours for example. The husband pretends to not see you when he comes home and we happen to be in the driveway, the wife will see you but also try not to make eye contact.
People in the shops, oh my word, they are the worst. Would it kill you to cut a mom with 2 screaming kids some slack? Glaring at her across the queue at the pay points of the local shop like she is the worst thing that could have come across your path that day. Sure you might be having a shit day as well, but she is trying, giving her the stinky eyeball helps no one.
If you have kids you surely understand the situation she is in. Her kids are demanding sweets after she has said no, she is standing tall, putting her foot down and not backing down just because they are now crying in a public place and disturbing your “peaceful” trip to the shops. It really gets my blood boiling when people look down on others or judge them without knowing them or their situation.
I have experienced both the good and the bad of people whilst out with my two kids. I have had people say to me “Well done, I love to see mothers who don’t just give in to their kids because they are in a public place” “You are doing a great job” Or I have people commend me for breastfeeding in public. Or thank me for trying to raise my boys to have propper manners by asking them to be too loud in a restaurant.
On two of these day’s were I received these “complements” I was having a super crappy day and you know what, I didn’t know either of those women and they didn’t know me, but I almost cried and hugged them, both times because I was having such a tough day and I felt like a failure and the worst mom ever. Just by saying something positive to me those women made my day and made me feel better about myself.
I have however more often than not, experienced “the stare” You know it….
You can literally hear them thinking “just shut him up already” “just give him the sweets for crying out loud” “she obviously has no idea what she is doing” Or something along that line.
It hurts the most coming from another mom. You want to tell me your child is an angel ALL the time?? Why do you feel the need to make me feel even more shitty about myself than I all ready do?
I have written a blog before about people moaning at me for allowing my boys to play with dolls, or paint their nails stuff like that.
But I have had many other comments.
One day I had to go to Canal Walk to do a grocery shop. My youngest was 2 months and my eldest 2 years. After their mid-day nap, we started off with lunch at Spur. At Spur I had a crap experience with a lady who kept eyeballing me and shaking her head because I was breastfeeding my baby. Then my toddler ran away from me in Spur as we were getting ready to leave. Thank goodness the manager caught him by just as he was about to get on the escalator.
From there we went to Pick n Pay. Now, I was tired and all ready quite stressed out by what happened at Spur. My toddler was not happy about being in the trolley, but I did not want him running around in the shop as I had the baby with me as well. When we got to Pick n Pay I thought, let me place the baby in one of those baby seats. The first 10min went well. As the trolley became fuller, my toddler started saying he wanted to get out. He wasn’t moaning, just asking me to take him out. I realised that I would have to take him out as I would anyway run out of space. Now, yes I know, not the ideal situation to be in, but I had no other choice, I had to have both with me and I had to buy groceries. Anyway, long story short, the paw paw hit the fan in the dairy section. The toddler ran off, there was a lovely elderly lady at one of those sample tables, with some or other cheese. She grabbed my trolley, which had my baby and my bag on, and she said “Go get him, I have this” Ran after him, picked him up, plopped him in the trolley and said “sorry boy, this is where you are staying now”
Now my toddler started to moan. I kept saying no and I explain to him why he has to stay in the trolley, from here there was a lady that was always in the same aisle we were in, she kept looking at me shaking her head. Four aisles on, my toddler is now making a big fuss. I decide to move baby to the wrap and pack everything over to a normal trolley without the baby seat so the toddler could sit in the seat and not the actual trolley. So I had made a plan, the toddler was stil not happy as he wanted to walk/run, but I said he can’t and he was making his peace with it as I was standing my ground. The entire trip to PnP was now taking so long that baby was becoming fussy. I was now trying to wrap things up ASAP. I was mentally and physically exhausted and just want to get back home.
As we get into the queue I take a small bottle of Coke from the fridge. I felt the need for a sugar rush because I was actually shaking. The lady that had seen us a few times in the aisles and who didn’t approve my parenting/coping skills was at the till next to us. I take a big sip of the Coke. My toddler starts “me, me, me, me to mommy, me”
Now everyone who knows me would tell you I never gave my kids Coke when they were little. But after the day I had, I gave him a small sip because I was just absolutely excited and didn’t want to now have him upset about this. Yes, I caved, but I just wanted the day to be over. The lady at the till next to us “Do you have any idea how bad that is for his stomach” I literally had zero energy to even comment. I took another massive sip, left a small mouth full for my toddler. Handed the bottle to him, while looking at her and just said “Really? I had no idea. Thanks for that” Paid and left.
Now, sure, the lady probably thought she would tell me something I don’t know. But I was very well aware of how bad Coke was. But she didn’t know that. She also had no idea what had lead to that specific point. She had no idea the kak 3 hours I had just before that point. My point with all of this is, when you see a child having a meltdown and you do not agree with how the mother is handling it. Or maybe the mother is having a meltdown, whatever, there is no need to comment. Why do some people feel the need to but in? I mean, it has nothing to do with them. Ugh, I don’t know, maybe it is just me.
I just think being kind to someone else doesn’t cost you anything. Just the other day we stopped at the mall. My husband and I got out, 2 cars from us there was a mom moaning at a child in the back of a bakkie. She was clearly frustrated, hands on her hips “honestly, get out of the car please” was the first thing I heard. I looked over, saw she had a baby in a pram and clearly another child in the bakkie.
By now my boys were out. They looked over and you could see the lady felt embarrassed by what was happening. My husband commented “the struggle is real” and I said “I feel your pain, that is usually us” She replied “he doesn’t want to get out of the car because his pants are green”
We wished her luck and walked off. My boys asked “who was that” I said “I don’t know, but it is a mom having a tough day and I sympathised with her” My eldest “Why” Me “because usually, that is me”
“Kindness is a language the deaf can hear and the blind can see” – Mark Twain