Your baby and your pets

Your baby and your pets

There are so many people that start to panic when it comes to bringing a baby home. You worry is your house going to be safe for your baby. 

Calm down, take a breath…your house does not need to be spotless; you do not have to have a house that is so clean that you can eat on the floor. And if you have pets, don’t worry; you don’t have to get rid of your pets because you are having a baby. 

I have read numerous articles written by Psychologist that state that a pet assist children with social problems. Having a pet not only provides companionship and entertainment for your baby/child but it helps with your child’s development and building up their immune system. 

Before my husband and I had children, even before we got married, we had our 2 dogs. They were my babies. They slept on the bed with us and went everywhere with us. When I fell pregnant someone said to me “what are you going to do with the dogs?” My response was “what do you mean?” The person said, “Dogs are dirty and they will knock your baby over and steal their food. You will change your mind and you will get rid of the dogs as soon as your baby is here, just wait” 

It is now 8 years later and we still have our dogs and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Both my boys love our dogs and the dogs love them. 

I have had moments where Peanut, our eldest (Jack Russell) has licked yogurt of my eldest boys face. Now this isn’t something that happens every day and it is not something I encourage, but it has happened. Guess what? My child is fine, he hasn’t gotten ill because of it. He plays with the dogs on a daily basis. He sticks his fingers in their mouths, checking their teeth, he shares his chips and cookies with them, and he is still fine. As a matter of fact, if I look at some of his friends he is healthier than most. 

Your pets are a part of who you are. Why would you get rid of your pet when you have a baby? Yes, you need to keep a watchful eye and see how your pet reacts to the new member of the family and should they become violent and act out you would need to address the problem. The sad reality is that a lot of people, instead of making the dogs part of the new experience, the lock them out. A once calm house dog who used to spend his days lying by his owners’ feet while they work and sleep in the owners’ bedroom now suddenly has to stay outside in the hot sun the whole day and even sleep outside. 

Off course this dog will then associate the arrival of the new member with loneliness and rejection and might even become aggressive. But is this really the dog’s fault? No, it is our responsibility as pet owners to also prepare the animals of the house for the arrival of the newest member. 

My dogs use to sleep with us on our bed. While pregnant I started moving the dogs to their bed at night, they were still in our room, but not in our bed. So the changes were made before the arrival of the new “brother”. The dogs are played with and get attention and love from us on a daily basis. When we brought our boys home for the first time, we let the dogs come and sniff and say hi. 

The dogs were never kept away from the babies. The one dog, Peanut loves when the kids touch her, she lies still while the boys poke and prod her. Our other dog Lilly is a bit high strung, she is not too fond of being poked and grabbed. She normally just stands up and removes herself from the situation. 

We had situations where our eldest when he was a baby, he would by accident rip out a hand full of Lilly’s hair and Lilly would bark or growl at him. I would not punish Lilly, as Lilly was right to growl or bark, my son hurt her and he has to also learn that dogs can and will bite him if he hurts them. 

We learn something new on a daily basis and so do the pets. The pets will grow with your child and they will get use to the changes in the house, as long as there is a loving owner helping them along the journey. Don’t forget about your pets when you have children.

Social media break

Social media break

With everything that is happening in our country and all over the world, I decided to take a break from Social Media. I mean honestly, every second post on my FB feed is about death, rape, brutal murder, missing kids, robberies etc etc etc. I can’t anymore. I have enough going on in my life as it is and feel so stressed out. It sometimes feel like the walls are closing in and I just needed to step back, take a break and breath. So the last 2 weeks I have taken a bit of a break. 

 Last year, while my boys were in school, as usual things were stressful and there was so much drama, but I mean “kinder kak” (high school drama) at school and I lost it on a school group because of it. I realised then I needed less drama/stress in my life.

 I have had a few mild panic attacks and one major one, 4 years ago. My husband and I thought I was having a heart attack and he raced me to the ER. I have to say it is quite scary. It felt like someone grabbed a hold of my heart, squeezed it and then started shaking it around. I started feeling like this 2 weeks ago again. Like someone was sitting on my chest and I couldn’t breath, that is when I decided to just step back. Probably also not the best time to be watching Mind Hunters and 13 Reasons why. 

 This year, with the kids being at home I promised myself NO DRAMA. I tend to overthink things and worry about everything. I wanted to have this year to spend time with my boys, making memories. Spend quality time, but it is September and I feel like we have had zero quality time together and I feel like time is running out and I am behind on work that I have to do with the boys. I worry about finances, I worry about health. I worry about the kids education, I worry about getting my business off the ground and start bringing in money, I worry about our safety. I do not want to read the news or go on FB anymore, it is just too depressing. I am completely behind #enoughisenough, because something has to be done, but for my own sanity, I just needed a break.

My biggest fear is not whether or not I am next but am I doing a good job raising these 2 boys. Am I teaching them the right things? I lie at night questioning everything I did during the day, could I have done better? How did what I said and did affect the boys in the long run? So all of this #menaretrash scares the shit out of me. Believe me I have had my fair share of trash men in my life, more often than not, so I know what I do not want my boys to be. I have been worried about how these boys will be when they are grown up, since the first day I found out they were boys, but these last few weeks have just made me worry about it more. 

I am teaching them to respect everyone equally, with kindness, no matter their race, sex or bank balance. I teach them to stop when someone says stop, no matter what the situation. I am teaching them to respect their friends personal space, how to use their words to express how they feel instead of getting physical (the 2 brothers hit and push each other when they get frustrated)

 But yes, men, even though they are not all rapists, they have all at some point in their life objectified a woman, cat called a pretty girl on the street, made a girl feel uncomfortable with a comment. So how do we stop this?  We hold these young men in our hands, our boys are the futures men. It starts with us.

Every now and again I read the news and then immediately after reading certain articles I remember why I stopped reading the news. Enough is enough, but will it ever really change? I mean this has been going on for decades. Men raping women, people being attacked and killed. Sure it is getting worse, but this is nothing new. How do we stop it, how do we make things change? We hold these young men in our hands, our boys are the men of the future. It starts with us.

Three years ago I felt the same as I do now, overwhelmed with everything going on. I had seen 2 videos from 2 different countries where a pregnant woman goes to a hospital asking for help and both are told to leave. It just made me wonder. Do we really care so little about each other? Why is there so much hate and negativity in the world? Even doctors, who swore an oath to save lives don’t give a shit anymore. I mean honestly. How do you turn you back on a heavily pregnant woman who comes to you begging for help and because she doesn’t have medical aid she is refused help. 

The one video I saw was of a heavily pregnant lady in the Philippines, who was homeless and asked for help. They sent her away, and right outside the hospital where she gave birth to her little baby. On the Pavement OUTSIDE the hospital.

The other video was so disturbing it still haunts me.

This happened in Cameroon. A pregnant mom of twins and a relative went to the hospital because the pregnant mom became ill. The staff at the hospital sent her away and she died outside the hospital. The family member that was with her went to buy a razor blade and a bunch of other supplies and cut open the mom in the hope of saving the twins lives. The babies were alive when she got them out, but due to not getting any medical attention, they both passed away minutes after being born.

This video is so disturbing to me, for so many reasons.
1. How, as a Doctor can you send this woman away? Ok fine, you can’t take her into the hospital because who is going to pay for it. But are you so dead inside that you have no urge to see if you can help her in some other way? You want to tell me there was not one Nurse or Doctor in that hospital that could have just taken a look at her, given her a minute of their time?

2. This poor relative, you can see afterward how devastated she is. She just lost a loved one. Not just that, she had to cut her open to try and save the babies. This poor woman will never be the same.

3. The hordes of bystanders, most of which are recording the event on their phones are all just standing there…. WTF !!! HELP the woman. What is wrong with people? 

I honestly don’t know what is going to happen with our world if this is how we continue. What kind of world will my child grow up in? With every post about a child that has gone missing, or a missing person found dead, babies being raped, women being attacked, I cry for my children’s future.

We need to do more. The future is in our hands. If you see wrong being done, speak up, stand up for those who can’t stand up for themselves. If you see someone having a bad day, be kind even if it means just a few kind words. Stop judging and rather ask how you can help. Do some good, start in your family, then the street you live in, then pay it forward to your community. Let’s rather spread love than hate than negativity. I need to believe that we can do it, that we can break this cycle, for the sake of my boys.